Yankees vs Devil Rays Game Diary

It's a beautiful day for baseball here in the tri-state area. Doubleheader on tap for the Yankees. Game 1 starters are Kei Igawa (6.97 ERA) and Jason Hammel (6.11 ERA). Game 2 starters are Matt DeSalvo (5.87 ERA) and JP Howell (6.62 ERA). Yeeeeesh. Let's get started. Michael Kay and Al Leiter in the booth. I hate Michael Kay. I think Al Leiter is OK.

1:07pm: BJ Upton, a young former #1 pick shortstop converted to third base converted to second basemen converted to CF, hit two dingers yesterday in a victory over the Yankees. In the 1st inning, just seconds after Al Leiter comments that he has 30-30 ability, he hits a bomb to deep left-center. Michael Kay says "ssSEE YAA, ANOTHER HOME RUN GIVEN UP BY IGAWA!" He's almost excited that Igawa is getting rocked early. Cue the HR videotape from yesterday.

1:18pm: Jason Hammel is pitching for the Devil Rays. Kay points out that it's his first start of the year. He goes on to say that Devil Rays Joe Maddon has elected to go with a bullpen guy to start a doubleheader which means he'll have to use a lot of his bullpen today to compensate for a likely short start by Hammel. If Joe Torre were managing for the Devil Rays, Scott Proctor would pitch 8 innings in relief today.

1:29pm: "Another home run served up by Igawa!" Gotta love it. Ty Wigginton, a glorified journeyman, wraps it around the left field foul pole. In other news, the Yankees have been interested in a trade that would send Scott Proctor to Tampa Bay for Ty Wigginton. Why the hell would the Yankees trade away Proctor when they NEED bullpen help? It's like if my car won't start, I'm going to trade away my car keys for a tire. Essentially, Wigginton would be a bench guy for the Yankees since he can't play at his position (3B) and maybe would get a few starts over at first.

1:35pm: Kei Igawa has struck out 4 batters. But wait, he's given up 2 HR's. He's just like a 2006 Josh Beckett. Only he's Japanese, short, and wears sunglasses.

1:41pm: Upton is KILLING the Yankees. For some reason, Larry Bowa has Posada stretch it to third on a single from Cano. BJ Upton rifles it from center, throwing Posada out.

1:43pm: This is one of the reasons why I hate Michael Kay. He's the YES play-by-play man in the booth and yet he's always analyzing the game like a color man. If he was right half the time, then maybe it would be OK to listen to... but he's not. He talks the entire time while Al Leiter is most likely asleep with his head back.

1:49pm: BJ Upton up again after Crawford has a close infield single to Cano. He singles to left. KILLING.

1:52pm: Another horrible stat pop ups about Igawa, showing that his opponents hit better as more runners get on. We get it, he sucks. Kay has been telling us this all day.

1:56pm: Double play line drive ends the inning with the bases loaded left on. Grrr...

1:57pm: Recent call up, power hitter Shelley Duncan is up. He's hit 25 HR's in the minor leagues this year. Scouts agree that he's the prototypical "AAAA" player meaning he's a good AAA player but he doesn't have enough talent to be a major leaguer. If there were a league in between AAA and the majors, he'd play in it. Likewise, he flies out to the warning track, just short enough for the HR. Very appropriate metaphor for Shelley Duncan.

1:59pm: Why is Melky Cabrera leading off for the Yankees? His .330 OBP is 20 points below the Yankee team average. Not to mention he bats .122/.163/.171 in the lead off position against right-handers. Hammel is a right hander. One possible explanation why Cabrera is leading off? Johnny Damon sucks.

2:01pm: YESSSSS! A Guiseppe Franco infoCommercial for Procede hair product! There are so many reasons why this is worst commercial on TV. I've been waiting to talk about this for a long time. Guiseppe Franco is apparently a "famous celebrity hair stylist" who owns a salon in Beverly Hills. He looks like a bad Chris Kattan SNL impersonation of Al Pacino combined with Zoolander's Blue Steel. The product is a hair thickerizer for men with balding hair-- it doesn't grow hair. "Hey, I'm Giuseppe Franco, I'm not gonna put my name on the line for something that doesn't work" No, but if they'll pay you enough, you'll forget that it doesn't work. Giuseppe Franco. What a fucking name. When the commercial mentions that Franco is a celebrity hair stylist, a 3-second clip showing Franco joyously hugging a celebrity appears. Who's the celebrity? Remember this is a hair product commercial trying to show that this guy knows what he's doing because he treats big time celebrities. That big-time celebrity is: Gary Busey. I'll always remember him for making David Spade wet himself in Black Sheep. "I don't own the company. Nor do I know anything about it. I just know this is the best hair product out there. And that I got paid up the ass for this TV Spot." Sorry that line was fake. Also, there is literally ZERO statistics or real results in the commercial to suggest that Procede works. None. It's great. They interview a few guys who say, "Giuseppe ran his hands threw my hair and he said 'Hey! It works!' " You know how some hair growing product commercials have before and after scalp shots? This commercial only has AFTER shots. No need to compare with Before shots when you use Procede. Truly theawesomest commercial on TV.

Check it out.

2:14pm: That Procede commercial rant took me a little away from the game. It's 2-0 in the bottom of the fourth. It's been pretty boring aside from BJ Upton and Wigginton's dingers. The Yankees bats have been weak today.

2:18pm: Sure enough, Hideki Matsui hits a 2-Run bomb to the right-porch at Yankee Stadium to tie it up. I've said this before: Matsui and Abreu are great hitters. They will come around for the Yankees. Yankee fans have been blasting these guys all year like I expected them too because they're some of the most stubborn, ignorant, and spoiled fans in the game.

2:31pm: Top 5. Kay leads off with "Igawa needs to continue putting up zeros on the board" and he then gives up a lead off double.

2:32pm: The ball-strikes ratio screen pops up showing 50 strikes to 24 balls for Kei Igawa, which is very good. Michael Kay says this "That shows how flawed that ratio is. It doesn't matter how many strikes you pitch if you throw bad strikes. Igawa does not throw good strikes" What the hell do you want from Igawa? What the hell is a "good" strike? Would you want him to throw more "good" balls? Igawa has struck out 6 batters and only one walk in 4 innings! This is really, really good command. Michael Kay has just turned a BIG positive for Igawa into a negative somehow.

2:43pm: A double, intentional walk, a walk to load up the bases and Kei Igawa gets out of it, popping up Wigginton to end the inning. Damn it.

2:44pm: A commercial for Continental Airlines shows a dumb guy who asks for things that are inappropriate for the occasion. For example, he walks up to a hot dog vendor on the street and says "Hey, can I have the Salmon Saffron?" . This reminds me of the time that a bunch of friends and I went to a shitty beach "seafood" bar-type in Myrtle Beach to eat fried food and drink beer by the beach for a few bucks. Chris Bartell looks at the menu and asks the chain-smoking prostitute/waitress "Sorry, do you have any Mahi-Mahi?". He was serious. He's sheltered.

2:58pm: Michael Kay just asked Al Leiter if he shaved between games. "Yeah." flustered "I think so." They then have camera shots on everyone in Yankee Stadium with facial hair. What a broadcast. Where's Giuseppe Franco?

3:02pm: The camera pans around the sky and the stadium to show how beautiful of a day it is. To fill up some time, Michael Kay gets a little emotional.

"Just a great day to be alive."
"Good to see you happy, Michael"
"Yeah. It's not very often."
Silence...

Michael Kay and Al Leiter!!! Electric!

3:09pm: I have a bad feeling about this Arod at-bat.

3:10pm: Arod gets drilled by a pitch in the ribs and flips around like a fish out of water for a few seconds. I now have a great feeling about this Arod at-bat.

3:12pm: Chein Meing Wang is warming up in the pen. Hideki Matsui is up at bat against Tampa Bay pitcher Jae-Kuk Ryu. Kei Igawa started this game. Which reminds me, did you know that Andy Phillips is the only white person who starts for the Yankees? Not that it matters.

3:18pm: In the bottom of the sixth, the Yankees take a 7-2 lead with a Cano grounder in between right side of the infield, a Whitey Phillips single to right, and a Shelley Duncan HR to left.

"I wonder if his feet are touching the ground!!!"

I think I'm going to throw up. Fuck it, I'm going out on a run.